I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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