Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
