Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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