I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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