bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
