i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
