apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
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