can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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