He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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