Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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