i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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