Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
