she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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