non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
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Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
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If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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