So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
