Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
