Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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