left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
