my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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