Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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