This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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