I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
