C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
