Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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