My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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