hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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