Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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