i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
