yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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