Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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