Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he thought i was a dude.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We left an ass print on the piano.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
