Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
