no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
