this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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