wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
