just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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