So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
