Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
