just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
