Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
