I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
