my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
