You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
