I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
