My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
