I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
