and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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