I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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