I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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