look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
