I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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