I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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