I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
