dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
