just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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