he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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