I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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