need another drink. this is the easiest way
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
