don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
