So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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