i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
