Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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