How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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