We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
