i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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