Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize