I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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