I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
