they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm having to shit out rocks
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
