We won't sleep together?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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